14: Bernie Mac (Fox, 7:30 and 8 p.m.) Series Debut: One of the funniest new sitcoms of the season, starring comic Bernie Mac (natch) as a parental unit who hates kids. 13: Michael Jackson’s 30th Anniversary Celebration (CBS, 8 p.m.) See the concert hundreds of celebrity suckers shelled out big bucks to suffer through at Madison Square Garden-for free! Destiny’s Child, Billy Gilman, Mya, Usher, Whitney Houston and (most of) the Jacksons are among the stars who couldn’t duck MJ’s calls. 12: Absolutely Fabulous (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.) Series Return: Edina (Jennifer Saunders) and Patsy (Joanna Lumley) are back for six new episodes, which Comedy Central will rerun through 2025. 11: King of the Hill (Fox, 6:30 p.m.) The Simpsons (Fox, 7 p.m.) Malcolm in the Middle (Fox, 7:30 p.m.) The X-Files (Fox, 8 p.m.) Season Premieres: Bobby takes women’s self-defense classes Bart and Millhouse steal a police car Malcolm goes boating Lucy Lawless ( Xena) guests and … does anyone really care about The X-Files? 10: Beat the Geeks (Comedy Central, 7:30 p.m.) Series Debut: Testing the useless knowledge of no-life geeks for fun and profit! Bathing Brooke (E!, 10 p.m.) E! skank Brooke Burke does a bikini photo shoot for her new calendar, because you expect hard-hitting news from E! ![]() The weirdest thing to land on Nick since Ren & Stimpy, and some of the best animation anywhere. 9: Invader Zim (Nickelodeon, 7 p.m.) Cool Show Alert: He’s green, he’s pissed off, and he’s here to take over the planet, inferior Earth monkeys … from elementary school. The Tick (Fox, 7:30 p.m.) Series Debut: The big blue champion of justice wants you! It’s up against a Will & Grace rerun, citizens-give it a chance! Hell, a few episodes of Once & Again could do that. 8: The Family Guy (Fox, 7 p.m.) Season Premiere: It’s back! No one can stop it! Stewie invades Peter’s body, Fantastic Voyage-style, to kill his sperm. Never mind that you’ve got your head in the butt of the cow in front of you, and the cow behind you has his stuck similarly up yours-it’s all for the greater good of unity, right? But, in their never-ending pursuit of “fitting in,” “being accepted” and other conformist crapola, the mindless citizens of America are led through the primrose cattle chute to the communal trough of pap again and again, because it’s what everyone else is doing. ![]() The dangers of following the herd should be apparent, even to the herd.
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